Music

My refuge, a happy pill
When I let its beat
Enter my heart
I feel alive, again
It's like I found, a reason

Cherish

I want to cherish every moment
Because every second after
It becomes a memory
And I won't ever have it again

I smile at the littlest thing
Even if it's only for a second out of
86400 seconds a day
43200 minutes a month
8760hours a year

In a crowd

How do I find myself in a crowd
A place where we all seem the same
Maybe for this once
We feel alike

Aimlessly
We walk this life
Not knowing how
It should go about

Where's the guide
I think we're lost
One more time
Again and again

It happens all the time
That I think
Maybe
That's alright

Perhaps we just have to
Get used to
Life

A lonely crowd

Loneliness is not when you are alone
But feeling consumed by this world
And filled with emptiness
While being in a crowd

Just before 2015

It's almost 2015, anddd.. I have an announcement to make. Okay, I want you all to take this seriously okay. I've been waiting for a right time to tell you all, and I guess.. this shall be it. Here goes nothing..

 I.. SURVIVED 2014.

Hahaha I'm sorry :p

*Sighs* another year to come, I don't know whether to look forward to it or what. Just hope it'll be better, I won't even try because every time I try I swear something is wrong with me or my life yeah it's just me I just screw everything up so let's just try and see how things go yeah?

2014:
Thanks to everyone who made me smile or happy and stuff :)

Handmade most of my gifts this year. Never expected anything back but for all these gifts (pic 1 and 2), and the beautiful memories. I'm thankful. And to those who annoyed the shit outta, urgh nvm. Forget it okay. Don't even wanna talk about it. Just go one corner la HAHAHA.

What I want for 2015?
To be happy. Yeah, it's that simple but at the same time, it's not.

Guess that will keep me writing here. It makes me feel a lil better, at least for a while. So yuppp. To a GREAT 2015 hahahahahaha. Good luck to me, and may the odds be ever in your favour.

♡ MERRY CHRISTMAS!! ♡

To me, Christmas is a season of giving, a time of love. ''Christmas is forever, not for just one day, for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away'' :) #isithisquotedeepenoughforyou

Here wishing everyone a Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thanks to everyone who is reading my blog heh. Love you guys ♡

Worst of the best

You are never happy, never

Everything I do is wrong 

My best isn't good enough 

You know, I'm so tired 

I can never please you, can I

Whatever you ask me to be 

I tried 

Only to realize I was slowly losing myself 

Until I don't even know what my dreams are anymore

But then again
I'm just that lousy, right?

Types of friendship

"Friendship isn’t a big thing — it’s a million little things."

Everyone interprets "friendship' differently, but to me, this is what it means.
(the bracket is how many of that type of friends I have haha)

• Acquaintances (A lot)

- People that you can along well with, but you don't really see them outside of the context. You guys talk about more casual topics, but usually, it doesn't go any deeper than that. Let's say classmates or schoolmates?

• Friends (A number of them)

- For me, it's people that I share common interests with or like have fun together. This connection with each other and all the nonsense you guys talk about. Usually you talk in a group, it can become awkward if you guys are alone together. You guys do hang out sometimes and stuff. You may know a bit about each other's lives but you all don't usually don't touch with feelings. I mean like you do rant to each other  and stuff but not talk about deep shit haha, like "I don't even know why I feel so lost now when I've lost my whole life" but more like "Omg school is just t.e.r.r.i.b.l.e, only please? I kinda like rolled down the stairs while trying to get to class and there was dude who was totally judging me?" Yup.

-Stuck in between/ Transitioning (3)-

• Good friends (4)

-  You're very comfortable with being alone with just that person. Sure you can loads of fun with them, but you all can also talk about deeper feelings. When you're feeling upset, you know that they'll be there to listen to you. Their shoulder is always there for you to cry on. They know quite a lot about your life. How your family is like, what makes you happy and sad, and everything. There's this mutual understanding. You can tell when they're sad even though they're smiling outside. Just by looking at each other, you know what they're thinking about (it's like this hidden communication thingy hehe). You guys prolly have this "place" where you guys love hanging out at the most. Sometimes when you all don't feel like doing anything special, you just be like "see you at that place" and both of you know what it is.

• Best friend (1)

- This is like an add on from 'good friends'. Some people might have many best friends, but to me, best friend means one and only one. This person is special and means a lot to you. A soul mate, is what it is. It's like they're a part of you, and this person knows almost everything about your life. You know that even if the whole world is against you, this person will still be there with you. They'll be that little voice that says 'I believe in you". Silence can be comforting, and not awkward, unlike the others. You guys can not say a word, but still be enjoying the silence. Watching movies at home and doing random stuff together like acting as if you're horses and neighing while galloping. You can be silly in front of them and not being afraid that they'll judge you or anything.

"A stranger stabs you in the front. A friend stabs you in the back. A boyfriend stabs you in the heart. Best friends poke each other with straws." Best friend: someone you can only stay mad at for so long because you have something important to tell them. This person is like your mother, sibling and lover all at the same time. They care, love and protect you. There's so many other things I'll prolly never finish listing :) but you get it right haha

Friendship means a lot to me, and even if we are not that close, I still genuinely care about you, really :)

Every someday

Somedays I just want to be alone
Somedays I just don't want to do anything
Somedays I just want to cry
Somedays I just don't want to face anyone or anything
Somedays I just want everything to end
Somedays I just don't want to pretend to be happy anymore
Somedays I just want someone to be there for me

Somedays I wish I didn't exist
And what if I say
That someday is my everyday

Types of texters

1) Broken text:
like

"Hey"
"wassup"
"how"
"are"
"you"
"?"
":)"
"ha"
"Ha"
"haa"

2) The mia one:
you're like hey wanna come to my event next week? :)
and *5 months later* they're like "oh hi"
like it's OVER OKAY. O V E R. Hahaha xD

3) The emoji spammer:
you're like Today was fun! Thanks :D
and they're like
"Omg :D :3 ikr :p hang out again soon :) hehe c:"

4) Maniac texter:
you're like hey man
and they're like
"OMG HI!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! I missed you SO MUCH like OMGGGGGGGGG!!!!! HOW ARE YOUUU"
like bruh are you that eggcited like do i have to be that eggcited too? okay lemme try
"IM GOOOODDD!! HA HA HA." and I don't remember saying a joke

5) The grt txtr:
Yes. Very great. They be like
"Hey wassup wn cm my hs n chl n stuff we cn et chps n wtch mv n thgy"
like can you not xD

6) Sms stressor
They be like
"Hi"
"why are you ignoring me"
" I see you online :("
"do you not like me"
"heyy?"
"i think you read it"
"is that blue ticks?" (whatsapp)
"????"
"you do know that i can see that right"
in like 8 SECONDS

7) The emotional one
Nuff said haha

8) The emotionLESS one plus not answering the question
The opposite of 7.
You be like hey are free anytime soon? :)
and they're like ya
you: That's great! When?
"idk."
(okay..?) hmm maybe this week? :D
"yeah"
Which day you can? Haha
"Yup."
Ehhh like when haha? I'm free on tue and thurs :)
"Ok."
like wow okay. (but they're such great people to talk to irl like how do you even like did you use all your energy on talking you can't text or what i don't get it)

If there is any I missed, you can leave a comment below! Haha

Walking into redhill

When you step inside the houses, it's a totally different story.

In some small houses, we are close, and it's a home. While in some big houses, it's nothing but an empty shell.

Redhill

I witnessed beautiful families

Something i envy

They might be lacking some

But they have so much more

Some things in their home might be breaking

But their family is as one

For some, we just live together. It's simply a roof over our head. We come back to this place we call home, only to return to our own rooms. Everyone suddenly becomes busy, doing their own things, it's like.. we're not even a family. It's like the other person doesn't even exist. Maybe, we're so used to their presence we take it for granted.

All this makes me wonder, do we even have a family? Or are we.. all alone.

in Singapore, this place, we call.. home.

Disappearing rise

#hajilane

It used to be full of colours, but now, it's losing its colours, becoming black and white. Many of us might not have noticed, but streets like this are slowly disappearing. Where can we still find places like this in Singapore. Our home, is changing. Buildings are rising, trees are disappearing, and I wonder.. how will it look like 10 years later? 

We live in this busy city where everything is just so fast, and here we are, trying so hard to keep up. Forgetting the little things in life, the people around us, and maybe, the comforting silence. Sometimes we don't notice how beautiful things are, until we stop. Today, I finally breathed.. again. 

How I wished things were the same, and the old things could stay, but here I am, suffocating in all this 'pollution'. I miss my old home and my childhood. Seeing beautiful butterflies, little shop houses, children running around.. because now, all I see are tall landscapes, covering what we really are, or perhaps, who we really were. 

This city we now live in is just a pretty packaging, something people might want to see, but it doesn't feel the same. Maybe.. some things just cannot be replaced. 

My birthday wish

Candles
.. lights


"I wish that everyone around me would be happy
Even if I cannot be the reason
Now, take me away"








.. and it was dark

Dark coin

I love the night 
It's comforting 
Unlike the sun 
The bright lights 
Everything 
It tells you to go on and on 
But sometimes I'm just too tired 

But why too 
Does it swallows me up 
Throwing me into this deep dark hole 
Flashbacks 
Heartbreaks 
Setbacks 
All of the sudden 
I was drowning 
In my tears
I was frightened 
Struggling 
To die

I wish I did 
But I'm still


.. b r e a t h i n g

Why do we even need to exist?

Again and again

Again and again, you hurt me. 
Again and again, I have to act like I'm perfectly fine. 

Again and again, you make me want to cry. 
Again and again, I give you the biggest smile. 

Again and again, you push me away. 
Again and again, I stayed. 










Again and again, I'm hurting but no one's there.

Hey..

Hey.. I don't really know what happened and I'm not going to force you to tell me anything, or lie and say that everything is okay, because maybe it's not going to be, but I just want to let you know that no matter what, I'll be here with you through everything even though you might say that you don't need or want me. But that's okay too. Even though sometimes it hurts so bad, as long as you're okay, I guess, nothing else matters. You know.. I rather be hurt by you than to see you hurting because that hurts me even more. I don't know if this means anything to you but I know how it's like to feel worthless and unwanted, I.. don't want you to ever feel that way. It's okay if I don't mean anything to you, I mean like.. I don't think I really mean anything to anyone, yeah.. so don't think nobody cares about you because I do, really, and I hope that's enough.. Yeah, that's all I wanna say. Hope to see your beautiful smile again :)

点点

我不知道 我到底是怎么了

我是在想你了 可能说只是一点点 可是你不知道 其实很多很多

怎么办 你告诉我 对我说 尽管一句也好 只想听你的声音

Pages

As the world passes me by, I realize how it still revolves with or without me. I don't make a difference, at all. How I wish I could just throw away my life, leave this world and never return.

Flipping the pages, stepping into a different dimension, leaving my life behind just for a little while. Walking in those shoes, feeling what belongs to someone else.

Sometimes, I want to stay there just for a little longer. Yes, I'm a coward, I don't want to face this life of mine.

End of time

Standing apart
We're growing apart
It's just getting hard
For me and us

What do I do
Try harder or give up
It's all a doubt
Questioning myself

To give up the night
To give up my life
I can't deny
I can't I can't

How
Who should I tell
Why
When should I

Or just keep quiet
To the end of the time